Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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