I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
