Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
is that a dick in a sweater?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
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