You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize