true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize
