Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
