when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
They are going to name an STD after you.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Randomize
