I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I think I am morally bankrupt
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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