dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Randomize
