do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
