When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
