i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
