screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
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I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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