I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
