My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
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