Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
