did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
