maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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