So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
