Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Send help, water and tortillas.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Randomize
