I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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