Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
