I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
