found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
