You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
