I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
