I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Can I color on your dick again?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
