u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
