I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
