Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
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