anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
