id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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