My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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