covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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