I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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