He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
