exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
i think i have two assholes
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
