He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
