Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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