My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
