I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
