Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
