so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
God, I missed his penis.
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