pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
