So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
