Can i not drive my cunt home
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
