i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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