Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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