I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
