oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
