You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
