I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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