i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
