Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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