Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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