She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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