she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
