I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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