Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
This is the high leading the old right now
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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